From loneliness to solitude.

Henri Nouwen is assuredly becoming one of my favorite authors. His book "The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life: Reaching Out" is the book I am currently reading. The first section is about moving from our deepest loneliness to embracing solitude. This is something I wish the whole world could read. It speaks to my own 3 year struggle that I have recently overcome while here on PRIME. Here are just a few quotes from the book for you... Please pass this one to anyone you know- especially if they are struggling with this as well.

Loneliness is one of the most universal sources of human suffering today. Why is it that many parties and friendly get-togethers leave us so empty and sad? Maybe even there the deep-seated and often unconscious competition between people prevents them from revealing themselves to each other and from establishing relationships that last longer than the party itself. (p 25)

The roots of loneliness are very deep and cannot be touched by optimistic advertisment, substitute love images or social togetherness. They find their food in the suspicion that there is no one who cares and offers love without conditions, and no place where we can be vulnerable without being used. The many small rejections of everyday- a sarcastic smaile, a flippant remark, a brisk denial or a bitter silence- may all be quite innocent and hardly worth our attention if they did not constantly arouse our basic human fear of being left totally alone. (p 26)

There is a false form of honesty that suggests that nothing should remain hidden and that everything should be said, expressed and communicated. This honesty can be very harmful, and if it does not harm, it at least makes the relationship flat, superficial, empty and often very boring. When we try to shake off our loneliness by creating a milieu without limiting boundaries, we may become entangles in a stagnating closeness. It is our vocation to prevent the harmful exposure of our inner sanctuary, not only for our own protection but also as a service to our fellow human beings with whom we want to enter in a creative communion. Just as words lose their power when they are not born out of silence, so openness loses its meaning when there is no ability to be closed. (p 32)

This difficlut road is the road of conversion, the conversion from loneliness to solitude. Instead of running away from our loneliness and trying to forget or deny it, we have to prtect it and turn it into a fruitful solitude. To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. (p 34)

Often we go to good men and women with our problems in the secret hope that they will take our burden away from us and free us from our loneliness. Frequently the temporary relief they offer only leads to a stronger recurrence of the same pains when we are again by ourselves. But sometimes we meet and hear that exceptional person who says "Do not run, but be quiet and silent. Listen attentively to your own struggle. The answer to your questions is hidden in your own heart". The real spiritual guide is the one who, instead of advising us what to do or to whom to go, offers us a chance to stay along and take the risk of entering into our own experience. (p 35)

I know thats a lot to read... but putting these sections together helps us to see that we cannot deny our loneliness any longer, face it. Take some time to just be silent with yourself (and with the Lord) do not listen to music, have the TV on or be near your phone or the internet. Read the bible or simply sit and rest in the Lord, seek His face and you, too, will find that solitude is a beautiful gift from the Lord, and nothing to be afraid of. He has given us community, and He has given us time to be just to ourselves. I warn you, however, this process makes you look at why you are in the relationships/friendships you are in and it may call for a change to be made... just be open to the moving of the Spirit and allow Him to work in your heart.