how do I do this?

Now that I know one reason why things have been so difficult lately, why I've been so lazy and expecting my friendships/relationships to work the same way they did before... How do I get to this place of putting in the effort again? I've noticed myself working a little harder with my closer friends, but what do I do outside of that? How can I work my mind into this combination of being a thinker and processor to also being conversational and relational again? I know this wont be a quick fix, because I imagine it wasn't a quick fall, this change was a process that started maybe halfway through PRIME and has been affecting my actions since I've been home.

I've been lazy, in more than just my relationships with my friends, but in my relationship with God. Everyone gets lazy and loses the desire to work hard or to really give Him our all, but does that make it okay, really? I don't think so. I think that God understands, and yes He is merciful, He forgives (if we forgive others...) but that doesn't mean it doesn't break His heart when we don't give Him even a portion of what He has given us. And yet as I say this, I ask myself the question, what does it really mean to "give our all" to Him... what does that look like? Yes, the easy answer here is that it shows in our thoughts and actions, the whole What Would Jesus Do thing... but, isn't it kind of more than that? Or isn't it at least broader than that?! Sometimes I don't take action because I'm devoting time to thinking- not like I pass up on an opportunity to sit and think... but that like, I spend more time pondering the truth, getting lost in the questions and the search of making my faith foundational, having a firm place to stand if someone were to ask me questions-- That takes time, I think God appreciates us taking the time to seek Him in that way too, right? If you disagree with me you better have a pretty good basis of why. That's all I have to say about that :)

Anyway- now that I've only got more questions... it's time for lunch.